


Notes are cruel

by booklover4eva (orphan_account)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Guilt, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4138653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/booklover4eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You never noticed at first, and why would you? <br/>When you were trying so hard to make her leave, not realising you wanted her to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Notes are cruel

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, sorry I've not been writing any new stories recently but I've been super busy with moving and getting things sorted.  
> This is set after Emma goes to see Regina after the Marian incident in the beginning of season four.  
> Anyway I hope you all like it (Even though it's depressing).  
> Please leave comments if you have time as i'd like to know what your thoughts are on this.
> 
> P.s  
> Words in italics are past conversations.

You never noticed at first, and why would you? When you were trying so hard to get her to leave, not realising you wanted her to stay.

He calls you at four in the morning and he’s crying and not talking and all you can think is that he’s in pain. It doesn’t even occur to you that it might be her, because she’s stronger than you are.

You appear in the living room and he’s there looking frightened and lost, he doesn’t speak as he holds out an envelope with your name on it.

You open it and begin to read.

“Dear Regina,

If you are reading this then I’ve actually succeeded at something for once and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I couldn’t stand to see the disappointment and disgust in your eyes, because I know I’ve failed everyone. But I’m tired Regina, I’m tired of making things worse, I’m tired of crying myself to sleep every night, I’m sick of faking a smile and I’m sick of letting people down and at least now I know I can’t hurt you anymore. I love you Regina and it hurts to know I caused you so much pain. I’m gonna go now before I say something stupid. Just tell Henry I’m sorry I couldn’t be the Hero he needed me to be and that I love him always.

Goodbye.”

 

There are tears in your eyes and you feel like you can’t breathe, this wasn’t supposed to happen, she was supposed to be the strong one. You collapse onto the sofa and he’s there holding you and you’re both crying and the room’s spinning and you feel like you might be sick.

“Where?” You manage to croak out after what feels like hours but was probably only minutes.

He points to the bathroom and you see another note on the door.

“Henry,

Don’t freak out and don’t open the door, just call your mom.”

 

You look at Henry questioningly and he shakes his head. “I was too scared.” He says and your heart breaks again and you want to pull him into your arms and pretend it’s all a horrible dream, but you can’t because you need to be strong for him.

You turn back and open the door hoping that maybe it’s just a sick joke and she’s going to jump out and scare you, and she’s smile that lopsided smile and look at you like you’re her Hero. But she doesn’t and you fight back the bile rising in your throat as green eyes stare sightlessly ahead and all you can hear is the steady drip that tells you you’ve failed.

 

Drip _“I’m not a Hero”_

Drip “ _I’m not strong enough.”_

Drip _“I’m not the saviour; I’m just a lost little girl.”_

 

Everything’s a blur after that, Henry managed to call Snow and you can’t breathe because it’s happening again, she’s lost her daughter and it’s your fault. You should’ve known, should’ve seen the signs. The way she looked when she thought no one was watching, the times she would disappear for days on end, the distain she held for her title, and you almost laugh at the irony of it all because the Saviour couldn’t even save herself, but you don’t because Archie is here even though you don’t know where here is. He says something about guilt and depression and you think he’s talking about her but he’s looking right at you.

Suddenly Henry’s there and you blink in surprise because it’s dark outside again and you’re back home. He’s talking to you and you try to listen but everything seems hard right now, he sighs and shakes his head as he kisses you goodnight. He doesn’t even notice that you said goodbye instead of goodnight, but you realise that when you love someone it’s easy to pretend you don’t see the signs because if you do then you have to deal with the fact that your loved one is in pain and you can’t help them. You sigh as you make your way to the bathroom but you don’t leave a note.

Because note’s are cruel.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think? I wanted to put a slightly different perspective on writing suicide notes as I know that sometimes leaving a note can be just as cruel as not leaving one.


End file.
